Feeling really lost. In my professional, personal, and life in general. Any tips/advice from folks who dealt with this type of disorienting experience? I will read, watch, do workbooks, seek out professional help.

Question

Conner · Answer

Sweat: Look, so I wasn’t going to respond because I feel like telling someone else to “just go workout” isn’t cool, but I’ve felt very lost before too and if I’m honest, reading and coaching and meditating are all amazing… but they only helped me once I was able to get out of my head a bit… which for me, means being in my body again. The quickest way to that is a workout. Not sure if that’s available to you. I think everyone has their thing… and not saying it solves it all… but for me, it’s the first thing that helps.

Felipe Pires Dias · Answer

Catch the fish.: Whatever that fish is to you. The creative side project, the zine you want to publish, the song you write, the sourdough you bake. Chase that as far as you can. Fully commit to the thing that brings you most passion, When I was in this situation Fly Fishing gave me something to focus my energy, led me to meet new people, go outside, introduced me to a new world outside the relationship. Cleared my head from the funk.

A break up is rough but there are few moments in your adult life where your only responsibility is yourself, embrace it.

Dylan · Answer

Crying: After years of repressing my emotions and pretending not to be sensitive (so sad to think I thought being vulnerable with my feelings was an unattractive quality!), my gawwdddd it feels so good to have a big old cry!

The impact of being on SSRIs for half my life is TOO REAL so when I CAN finally have a good cry, it feels like my body has performed some sort of ~impossible miracle~ which tbh I think is all the more reason to savour the teary times!

What a gorgeous indulgence! Let those salty droplets flow freely from the eyeball! Allow yourself to feel all the feels! It's a cleansing ritual! It's a cathartic release! It's a reminder that, actually, yeah, I do give a shit! About lots of things!

See also: crowd sourced crying (a playlist to accompany your weeping)

Dylan · Answer

Silly little mental health walks in nature: Just left the house for the first time in 9 days to go for a silly lil mental health walk in nature and found myself bawling my eyes out at this rainbow lorikeet just hanging outside his lil tree stump house. We stared into each other's eyes for a good 10 mins until he decided that was enough and retreated back inside his lil tree hole.

Dylan · Answer

Midori MD Notebook Journal A5 Grid Block: i swear to sweet baby jesus i have never in my life journalled as much as i have since acquiring this one. a rec from a thoughtful friend who is as equally neurodivergent as me & just GETS IT.

something about the tiny grids and the pages divided into four sections makes this spicy brain very joyful. BIG FAN. HUGE.

Jim Biancolo · Answer

F*ck That: An Honest Meditation: You’ve already read my GOAT, Oliver Burkeman, so here’s a little something to make you laugh, and I’m sorry you’re going through it!

Amy · Answer

Been there. Sooooo hard. Remember you're not alone and to be gentle and tender with yourself.  Get therapy if you have the means.  The thing that always brings me back to myself is art. IRL if you can. Online if you can't. Focus on the art that centers you and return to it as often as you need to. ❤️: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

SSilva · Answer

Intuitive readings: Sorry that you are going through this right now. I've been pretty lost a few times. Where I couldn't find solace and felt numb. There are so many ways to look at this and work with it (books, therapists, programs) you name it. It's because it is so prevalent in our society. I say this to make the point that you are not alone. For me, intuitive readings among many things have helped me. We could talk for hours on this but I'll spare you all of that. If it's of interest, I recommend coloradointuitive.com. Reputable, trained. Always get a referral if you go this route. And it it doesn't feel right for you, don't do it. I hope you feel better and find the path.

SammyBoBammy · Answer

Noelle Janka: Noelle’s group career coaching - it was called Operation Dream Job at the time (2018) extremely changed my life. I was very skeptical of career coaching but she proved me wrong.

Karen Fischer · Answer

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh: I recommend reading this book for times like these. I feel like the main character is in the same shoes.

Marleah · Answer

Nature journaling: Whenever I need to get out of my head/out of work mode/feel more grounded, I get outside with pencil and paper. It’s a meditative practice without actually meditating. It helps me find some joy outside of my life responsibilities!

Christene Barberich · Answer

The Big Leap (Gay Hendricks): A book that perpetually gets me back on track when I'm feeling blue, stuck, totally hopeless. It's part of my mini library of books + memoirs I re-read often for writing and just re-setting my headspace for big things to come. ♥️

dhblikes · Answer

Being in Mother Nature & Meditating: Have to hike and/or be in ocean or in/near some body of water.  MEDITATE: when I do not meditate, I’m effing bonkers. I subscribe to The Infinity Call —women only, free week trial. ♾️

Ella McMahan · Answer

Karen Goldscher Coaching: Love working with a coach and this person is a dear friend and coach to other people I know!! Can definitely help you find what it is you’re looking for! 🩷

Elicia · Answer

you got this!: this comic always gives me a little bit of hope

leesey lou · Answer

Journal like Tracee Ellis Ross: first, sending you a big digital hug. second, try journaling to find your purpose like tracee ellis ross. it’s the second prompt in the linked article, which has a terrible name btw so don’t let the “ceo of your life” phrasing deter you.

Michael Bolognino · Answer

Remembering that no one really knows: It can be comforting -- especially when we are struggling or unsure of what to do -- to remember that when it comes down to it, no one really knows. They definitely pretend to and we are suckered into believing that they do, but it's just not true.

I try to remember this when I'm struggling and convinced that everyone else knows something I don't, and it it also is a good reminder that we get to make up and create what we want.

Andrea · Answer

Astrology as a tool to feel oriented to yourself & the world: In my experience, learning my natal chart (a resource for that linked here) and what it means (dig into past Spirit Daughter podcast past episodes for breakdown of the houses, nodes, etc) have helped me feel oriented to myself & the world. Jill Wintersteen, aka Spirit Daughter (who happens to also be a neuroscientist!) communicates it all in a way that resonates well with me. Dr. Jennifer Freed is an astrologer x therapist whose work I’ve also enjoyed, and everything by Chani Nicholas is fantastic.💫 When I started learning about my natal chart, it felt like being seen in a deeply authentic way, and it helped me accept myself and understand in a deeper way how I don’t need to force myself to be something I’m not meant to be. The more I learn, the more I feel a sense of trust in the process. I still completely believe in my sense of agency & free will, and all of these astrologers do too!, I just feel less need to control and less pressure on myself.

Coofandy · Answer

finding meaning in the second half of life james hollis: Definitely the book that helped me the most in the last few years. No platitudes or encouragements to pivot n grind. Lots of hard truths presented with respect and care. Of all the books on the midlife crisis shelf, this is the only one I’ve read twice.

Jules · Answer

The desire map: i believe this author has since updated her work and branding, but this book/workbook changed my life. reordered how i think about should, could and would. it’s a very fun exercise that makes life planning much less about being a productive member of society with money and more about you.

Roger · Answer

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT): MBCT is combination of Meditation and other mindfulness techniques and elements of Cognitive Therapy. Often taught in an 8 week (online group) class, MBCT can help one build more awareness of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and increase self-regulation and choice in how one responds to life's challenges. You can find trained practitioners through the link below.

Liz · Answer

Morning Pages: Morning pages has changed my life. You can learn more in Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way. But the assignment is simple - every day (ideally in the morning) write 3 stream-of-consciousness pages about whatever the eff is in your head. No pressure, just start writing. You will be amazed at what comes out. And it will open up brain space for creativity and inspiration. It takes me about 20 minutes, and I usually don't manage to do it every day. But when I do, I thank myself!

Briana · Answer

Listen to these affirmations- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOHdq0xOpXQ: Listen to these affirmations while you’re getting ready in the morning. Doing so helped me through a major loss and change in my life. It’s amazing how it helps every area of life.

Oleg K · Answer

Help people out: Hard to say for sure, you may need to talk to someone -- a therapist or coach -- but I would also recommend getting involved in a purposeful activity to help others. Drive older folks to doctors appointments, stuff envelopes for the Red Cross, teach adults to read at the library. Bonus points if the thing you do uses your special talent(s) to help people you genuinely care about. Do that, get enough sleep, and treat yourself respectfully. The wind will eventually blow in your direction; the weather is always changing.

Wolfie · Answer

Joe Hudson/Art of Accomplishment on Instagram: I’d recommend checking out Joe Hudson/The Art of Accomplishment on Instagram. His approach could be particularly relevant, as he does a ton of professional coaching. A lot of his work is about getting curious about what you’re actually feeling, noticing where you’re judging/resisting, and using that to get clearer on what you genuinely want rather than what you think you should want. He talks about self-trust, decision-making, and relationships, and posts/podcasts/videos make the ideas easy to digest without it being a huge self-improvement project.

Amu Killada · Answer

The Magic of Knowing What You Want (Tracey Gee): After finding this recommendation on Rec League, I immediately bought the book and started reading it. I love that it’s more than a typical self-help book—the reflection prompts at the end of each chapter really make you pause, think, and articulate what you actually want from your life and career.

Maribeth · Answer

Mentally revisit your past selves and follow their joy: Spend some time thinking about some of your most fulfilling times.

What filled your time? Where did you go? What were your rituals? Who did you spend time with? Try pulling on some of those threads! Chase the feeling, not the glamor. (Read: Do not post about it on social media—you’ll end up doing things for the wrong reasons!)

For example, if the last time you felt fulfilled was on your last vacation… what were some factors that led to that feeling? Was it because you were surrounded by a language you couldn’t speak? Try taking a language class. Or was it fulfilling because you were able to be more spontaneous? Try taking a new route home from work or a different grocery store. Did you take the time to enjoy the sights? Plan to watch the sunset from a beautiful spot you don’t go to often enough!

Or maybe you had fun at a previous job. Was there a cultural element to that? An easy after-work hang out buddy? A morning coffee ritual in the office? Invite a friend for a recurring hang. Invite a neighbor over for tea. Maybe bring a fancy treat to the office next week as a surprise for your favorite colleagues.

Maybe in college you had a blast because you were constantly surrounded by friends. Tag along with your friends on their errands now. Offer to help making dinner with a friend or invite them to dinner at yours. Doesn’t have to be fancy. You can both wear pajamas and cozy socks.

Or rewinding way back, were you a child who played sports? Wrote stories? Painted? Find a rec league or an art class! You don’t have to be good at what you’re doing to stretch your mind. Learning new things forces you to pay attention, and that focus forces some amount of anxiety to shut the hell right up. Remind yourself: you do not have to be good. Just get out there! Lower the bar for yourself.

Hopefully some of the previous phases in your life give you a starting point for what you can try out again. Maybe some of those things aren’t as fun as they used to be, but maybe some are. And maybe they just lead you to something new that’s perfect for today’s best version of you. Good luck! ♥️

Noelle O’Reilly · Answer

Human Design: The most useful tool for self-understanding, hands down. It’s a map of your energy system and getting a reading is like being given a blueprint and user manual for yourself. It addresses everything from how you make decisions to how you best digest food. It’s a mashup of astrology, the I Ching, the Kabbalah and the chakra system (but really it’s its own thing entirely). To check your chart you need your birthdate, time, and place. If you want help figuring out what it all means, holler at me.

RKR · Answer

4000 Weeks: Basically how focusing on our finality gives the perspective needed to live a life full on

GK · Answer

Ikigai: I recently learned about Ikigai, a Japanese concept which roughly translates to finding your purpose. There are many books on the topic - may be worth exploring at a local library.

Kath · Answer

Soul Gum podcast: Browse through the episode titles and try one that seems relevant to your situation. I find her combination of honesty, dry humor, and compassion quite effective as she delivers really helpful insight. I’ve thought during multiple episodes, “I wish I’d had this to listen to when I was feeling so lost a few years ago.”

Brigid · Answer

Circle of Control: When my life was falling apart—health, self-image, work, relationships—a social worker I worked with in a high-stress environment asked me to start doing the same exercises we asked kids in crisis to do when they were in therapy. The one that really changed things for me was the circle of control. By understanding what I could control and influence and what I could not, it made changing my circumstances (and life and much of my identity!) something far more manageable over the next few years.

Mary · Answer

Adopt a pet (if you haven’t already): Built in structure/routine and doting love of someone who needs to be loved and fed

Kate · Answer

hire a coach: I am skeptical of life coaches. I think there are grifters out there, I think there are people who are just trying to make a buck, I don't think they all help that much.

BUT. I was feeling very lost professionally earlier this year, and I decided to hire Mandy Brown, a former VP at Vox and a fantastic blogger. It was transformationally helpful. She helped me break down where I was, what I wanted to try next, and what I wanted to experiment with.

A lot of our conversations focus on what structural things I can do to achieve the life I want to achieve - less about 'how do I solve everything' and more 'how do I make the space to take small steps towards the things I want to do'. I'd been in therapy, but this was more work focused and tactical, which is what I needed.

If you have the money, recommend - she does sliding scale as well.

Kate · Answer

meditation based stress reduction (MBSR): This is an eight week course that takes meditation out of a wo-hoo religious context and into a scientific one. Lots of MDs prescribe it for chronic pain and anxiety. It had a major impact on depression.

I learned a bunch of good tools, but the best part was the people. Getting to regularly gather and learn from people at all walks of life in a vulnerable place was incredible. 10/10, recommend to anyone going through life.

I took it through my local university, just google MBSR + your city.

Mo · Answer

Try volunteer work: when I was going through a change and didn't know what to do with myself, I decided to start volunteering in my community. I think it helps if you do something completely different from what you do professionally. it helps you connect with others, you can help make change, and maybe learn more about what is important to you. in my case I volunteered with high schoolers on weekends, but previously i've done work in parks and enjoyed that too.