What do you do to help yourself when there’s too much grief to carry? And what can you do for others who recently lost someone?

Question

megan weisenberger · Answer

Grief Is for People (Sloane Crosley): a book that made me feel like the odd ways my own grief was showing up in my everyday life didn't make me completely insane

matthew c · Answer

breathing: I didn’t know what else to link, so I went with the most basic anatomic function possible. Because some days that has to be enough - and allowing it to be enough can feel like failure at the same time. For yourself, you will hear “getting through”, “moving through”, “feeling better”, but these assume you will leave this feeling behind, as if it’s a phase or a moment. The reality is that you are in it - it’s now a part of you. So each day you wake up and accept that you are still alive, and choose to take one step, or eat one meal, or make one phone call, you are learning how to “move with” the grief and pain, how to “feel [X] and feel sad”.

There is not a way to make it go away; to make it less awful; to leave it behind. But if you find the energy to spend an hour with a friend - even in silence - you are on the path of learning to live in both worlds. The world where you feel like you’re in free-fall, and the adjacent world where you have someone right in front of you that loves you.

For the care of someone else: I am still in this state of free-fall, and the word I finally found to use when people ask what I need is “patience”. Patience when I’m angry at inanimate objects, patience when I skip meals, patience when I forget something I promised. Anyone who has experienced grief through loss can testify that you feel lost, fogged over, and untethered. The most immediate thing a person can need from another when there is no solution to these feelings is simply for them to be patient.

I don’t know you but I love you and I hope my words help in any way.

Lee TP · Answer

take short-term disability for mental health (if you can): HR never advertises this option, but you can take short-term disability for mental health. I used it when I was experiencing severe postpartum depression, and a friend of mine used it when he was going through a separation/divorce. Time off of work (while you are financially supported) is such a gift for anyone experiencing deep grief/sadness.

Dylan · Answer

Cleo Sol - Know That You Are Loved: from Cleo's 2021 record Mother. i can listen to this on repeat for hours as a form of self-love meditation. this song has got me through the darkest of days <3

Dylan · Answer

Come See Me in the Good Light (2025): A deeply poignant doco about poets Andrea Gibson and Megan Falley, whose queer love story unfolds with humour, tenderness and fierce devotion as they navigate a terminal cancer diagnosis. You'll cry tears of laughter AND tears of sorrow.

Dylan · Answer

Going potato mode: Did you know that humans share about 50% of our DNA with potatoes because we use the same basic genes for cellular function? This is what Reddit told me, anyway, which is obviously the most reliable source of scientific knowledge.

With this in mind, I highly recommend transforming yourself into a human potato by getting into the comfiest clothes possible, surrounding yourself with pillows and blankets, and merging your body with your couch.

Allow any freeloaders (pets, kids, etc) to nuzzle in your nooks. Put on your favourite comfort movie/show/podcast or read a cosy book.

And remember: rest is not earned, rest is not "laziness", rest is a basic need and simple pleasure.

Dylan · Answer

Silly little mental health walks in nature: Just left the house for the first time in 9 days to go for a silly lil mental health walk in nature and found myself bawling my eyes out at this rainbow lorikeet just hanging outside his lil tree stump house. We stared into each other's eyes for a good 10 mins until he decided that was enough and retreated back inside his lil tree hole.

Dylan · Answer

Grief Club: A project exploring identity and connection through stories of grief and loss.

I created this in 2021 as a way to process my own grief & connect with other people going through similar experiences.

Dylan · Answer

Sorry for Your Loss (2018): This is such an underrated gem of a show that i discovered sometime around covid lockdowns when i was fresh into the grief of my mum's recent death.

A realistic portrayal of the complexities that follow the loss of a loved one, the things you discover after they're gone and the struggle to find your place in the world again.

I really rate Elizabeth Olsen's acting & the supporting cast is amazing!

Dylan · Answer

crowd sourced crying (a playlist): BREAKING NEWS: crying is IN for 2026! when in doubt, cry it out!

⭒ crowd sourced from all your responses to my sad song request! being vulnerable is cool. thank you all for sharing ♡

⭒ let me know if i've forgotten any ♡ i will continue adding your songs to it as more recs come through :)

⭒ PS sorry i only have evil spotify but if anyone wants to make a playlist on other platforms please go for it! hugs ♡

~

cc: @Spines, Flicks, and Wax @S.P.A. QUEEN @Jess s @Rish @AMB @Samantha Culp @Meaghan @Leanh @Mary Kathryn Paynter @Evangeline @Going Analog @sam @jozef @Ginny Branch @Minna Kelly @Noah Morse @Daniel Menegaz @Lanh @Michael Bolognino @Steven Weill @Miranda @Guido @Lida Richardson @CITIZENACTUAL @Geren @Hannah @Neal Lindsay

Edit: wow i'm so overjoyed by how many of you responded to this request. heart is full. what a gorgeous collection of crying songs!!! i'll do my best to keep adding the new recs as they come through :) xx

Dylan · Answer

Somatics: Learning about and practising somatics has truly changed my mind-body connection. There are so many simple movements you can do to help release stagnant energy, ground yourself, and regulate your nervous system.

This is my friend & teacher's website, but there are many offerings out there to explore, both in person and from your home.

Sending so much love <3

Kaylan · Answer

Crying in H-Mart by Michelle Zauner: This is a great book, but the advice I would give about experiencing profound grief, as I’ve come to call it, is to talk to someone who has a shared experience.

I have a friend who went through a very similar loss. She proactively inserted herself in my life when I needed connection & processing most but didn’t know how to ask or what to say.

After some time and space, maybe a few years, turn around and do this for someone else you meet who has experienced loss at a great depth.

My friend has set off a little chain reaction. She showed up for me, and I have shown up now for many others, and now they are doing the same.

I think part of the reason grief is so unbearable at times is that (at least in the U.S.), we are not good at talking about it. People who have not experienced profound grief are fortunate, but they are not going to be able to relate quite the same as someone who has been there, and I encourage you to seek those people out, those of us who are part of this horrible club…

We can be there for each other and those that will need us in the future.

Cydney Morgan · Answer

remember that you only have to get through this day: Grief can feel so expansive and too big too carry when you think about carrying it forever.

A tiny tool that helps is to remind yourself that you only have to get through this minute. This hour. This day, with this grief. Each day it will feel different, the weight shifts and varies, but all you will ever have to manage is its burden right now. So hold it, name it, soothe yourself right now, and realize that the waves of grief will wash over you, unexpectedly sometimes, and always full of the love you carried- but only one wave at a time will ever wash over you.

So do your best with the wave, and know that it will pass. Don’t worry about if you are grieving enough between the waves- that’s the time you need to eat, sleep, laugh, and live. The waves will take care of themselves, but you will get better and better at staying afloat.

Xoxo

Steve M · Answer

It's OK That You're Not OK (Megan Devine): This has probably been the best resource that I've read so far in helping me process my grief. Depending on what stage in the early grieving process you are now it could be a difficult read but the book is structured in a way where you can jump around to only the portions that is currently applicable.

The hardest part of grief, for me at least, was the frustration in how people treated me and wanted me to move on and go back to where I was as quickly as possible. The book does a good job of describing how ineffective our culture is at describing grief and how we need to stop treating it like a sickness and instead of a thing that is now part of our day-to-day. It also has plenty of resources and advice for not just people who are grieving, but for people who want to help those who are grieving.

Steve M · Answer

Keep Listening to Your Favorite Music: This has been very helpful in grounding me lately and is an extrapolation from something @Jessica said, but continue listening to your favorite music.

At first you may be painfully reminded of an old part of you that you left behind. Maybe it’s something you are trying to forget. It could be a sense of longing for a more innocent time. It could feel like the long lost dream of a younger you. It could be the manifestation of your fears for the future. There’s always synchronicity in our lives but by definition we don’t notice it until the stars align.

Whatever emotions your favorite music elicits out of you, do not shy away from it. Do not turn away from it. Now is the moment. Feel it. Keep listening to those songs on repeat until you start crying, wailing, grinning ear-to-ear, until you’re sick of it and numb. Once you’ve been exhausted and start accepting it will you understand the journey you’ve been on to get to where you are now and hopefully where you need to go next.

April · Answer

Being near water to heal and reset/ a quick guide to grief: Hey this is a much longer suggestion that wouldn’t be covered in a link but to start find a healing body of water (if you are landlocked a bath ritual) and the article explains why that’s beneficial- after that 1. Let yourself feel it. I know it can be hard but it’s ok to feel any and everything that comes up for you. The five stages of grief (Kubler-Ross) were actually supposed to be for patients on hospice care who were dying not the people left behind and while those emotions are valid it doesn’t cover the experience in the slightest. The pressure to graduate those phases can be distressing to people who don’t know. 2. The grief is here to stay but the forms will change and it’s helpful to reframe the expectation it goes away and develop a relationship to your grief (its evidence love existed). 3. Continuing bonds coping skills (things you do that make you still feel close to them such as writing or talking to them, doing things they loved, doing things in their honor, carrying on traditions or creating ones inspired by them  anything that continues that bond. 4. Meaning making- can’t give too much advice without knowing the specifics bc this is different for everyone and can be based on a lot of things like culture, beliefs around death and afterlife ect but look into meaning making 5. Being around people or talking to people (Reddit,support group, a friend doesn’t matter) grief is isolating because we are culturally prude about death and finding community helps (nobody makes a better quick friend than two people with the same dark humor) 6. Consider therapy not just saying that because I’m a therapist but seek a therapist who works with this population- the person who works with grief regularly can emotionally attune and is decidedly comfortable holding space for grief and death and that isn’t necessarily everyone. 7. I forget what psychologist (anyone chime in) but one I read in grad school pointed out the little deaths in life and constant grief that is inherent in the tragic and beautiful temporary nature of everything. Ex: you get married and even that’s happy but it’s the “death of your “bachelor life”, you have a baby and that’s great but you mourn the life you had where you didn’t have to keep someone alive all day and were more carefree. In all these mini deaths are mini births and loss can be pure tragedy at times but you are strong and can alchemize. 8. externalize that pain or whatever feeling it is  it somehow, write, make music, make art, volunteer at a grief camp if you ever feel ready or able. 9. read about it, the human experience of loss, the way loss is handled in different cultures ect. can make you feel less alone in this. 10. Remember everyone is different, your experience with grief is highly nuanced and multifactoral and that can be heavy but hold space for that. No two losses are the same the way no two snowflakes are the same. That doesn’t mean there isn’t overlap to be found in moments of validation and comfort. 11. take it day by day and meet yourself where you are at- stay in bed if you need to, call a friend if you need to, go sit by the water, cry, eat, laugh. Know this experience means you are human and you loved 12. If your situation is complex in that there weren’t always warm feelings for the lost loved one-that’s ok. They were human and so are you, any feeling is a valid feeling. We pressure ourselves to memorialize people in a nice little bow and no human was ever put together in a nice little bow. Give yourself the gift of that realness. 13. People close to you may have different grieving needs if they were also experiencing this loss but finding ways to grieve communally where you can is helpful. 14. Pick a comfort ritual and engage in it on bad days (plan a whole day of things for a fun ritual and things that you can do also on a normal work day) 15. Remember to shower, eat and drink even if you don’t feel like it. 16. Think in cycles not in lines.(it takes as long as it takes) 17. Make a playlist that reminds you of the person/ keep helpful grief quotes on hand to feel less alone if nobody answers the phone or you can’t verbalize your feelings that day. 18. Grief is a transformative event in that there will always feel like a “before this happened” and an “after this happened” it may take time to feel okay with that but I tried to look at it as entering deeper into the depths of the human experience as we all do face it eventually as dreaded as it is. Part of this journey may include coming face to face with your own mortality for the first real sobering non purely conceptual time barring life events that have also done that. 19. (Keep on keeping on you got this!)