Recs for getting over someone (asking for a friend)

it’s me i’m the friend

Question

Recs for getting over someone (asking for a friend)

it’s me i’m the friend

Dylan · Answer

Depression Ending Bear: Let me tell you, much like Shakira's hips, the reviews don't lie! this big boy currently has over a thousand 5-star reviews on IKEA website (go read some of them for comedy gold - you're WELCOME).

my cats love this one. dolly spends her nights licking it obsessively til it's saturated, then she falls asleep. cute or disgusting? a little from column A, a little from column B.

Dylan · Answer

Being the oldest person at the rave: I've decided it's fun being the old person at the party/rave. I can dish out unsolicited advice to everyone! I can dance like a freak without feeling anxious, because everyone around me was born when I was already in the club! I can hand out popcorn to youths on the dance floor! Be the queer elder nobody asked for but everyone secretly wants!!!

Dylan · Answer

Nicole Kidman after signing divorce papers: the most perfect images to ever exist. I think these need to be recreated after every breakup

Dylan · Answer

Cleo Sol - Know That You Are Loved: from Cleo's 2021 record Mother. i can listen to this on repeat for hours as a form of self-love meditation. this song has got me through the darkest of days <3

Analisa Burns · Answer

ice cream every night: cures any & all late summer heartaches

Dylan · Answer

Enjoy being single!: To be single is to be inconvenient. Uncontainable. Disruptive. Subversive. Extremely sexy and also very modest. I don't make the rules; that's just science bitch.

But seriously, it’s being self-reliant — and honestly, fucking brave — in a culture that tells you you’re incomplete without a plus-one.

In the words of ancient philosopher Jason Derulo, who sings his own name more than anyone has ever sung their own name:

I’m ridin’ solo.

Dylan · Answer

Romance yourself! Romance your friends!: Truly cannot recommend this more highly.

Romance yourself!

Book yourself in for a treat-yourself day - spa, sauna, massage, mani pedi, hair, facial - whatever. You also don't have to spend money to do this! Spend a day alone without too many distractions - journal about what you're grateful for (even something as simple as sunshine or clean water or a roof over your head), connect with nature, listen to a song that makes you feel loved (my rec would be Know That You Are Loved by Cleo Sol), light some incense/your fave candle, swim in the ocean or take a bath, make your favourite meal, kiss/pat a cute animal.

Romance your friends!

Send a love letter to your bestie. Make a playlist for a friend with all your favourite songs. Prepare a delicious dinner for a friend & decorate the table with flowers. Send a text just to tell your friends you love them. Buy a little gift for a friend just because. Write all the things you love about your bestie on little bits of paper, put them in a jar and gift it to them to read when they're feeling down. Deliver a tasty treat from the bakery. Call a mate you haven't spoken to in ages. Plan a FaceTime catch-up with a long-distance bestie. Send them a video of yourself doing a silly dance!

Leah Jereb · Answer

305 Fitness: If you love dancing or shaking your butt to music, this is the perfect endorphin boost that is super fun and makes you feel hot. It is 100% breakup approved by me. There are studios in NY, DC, LA and Philly — plus videos for at home if you’re not in those places! It’s my favorite workout ever and with that an incredible mental and emotional catharsis.

Jill · Answer

Spend time with a grandparent (or another person) if you can. Talk to them about your feelings, your ex, and ask them what they would have done in your situation, at your age. My grandmother always had such a valuable perspective when I couldn’t see the long game. If you don’t have a grandparent, ask a friend what HER grandma would say! <3

Haley James · Answer

Instructions for Healing Within View of Those Who Have Wished You Harm — Anna Lena Phillips Bell: A friend of mine just shared this poem with me from inside the latest issue of Bitter Southerner and I did indeed cry at the idea of shaking it.

Tamar Fox · Answer

Girls trip! Or friend trip of any gender!: After my sister split up with her fiancé, we used the weekend that had been planned for her bachelorette weekend to just gather and celebrate her and her good decision. You might not be able to get all your friends together for an epic weekend, but even one or two friends for a day or two can be so healing. Hang out with people who love you and see you fully. A good reminder that you deserve that in a partner, and it is out there. You are loved! 3> (photo of me and my best friend who always schedule a trip together when one of us is heartbroken. He is pointing at a restaurant called shmuck.)

bradshaw · Answer

unguided meditation at the michaels craft store: as a person that doesn’t necessarily believe in structure nor directions, i recommend going buck wild in the michael’s craft store aisle of your choice.

i personally chose the embroidery aisle because little fabric things are $2. do not choose leather crafting at any time of emotional volatility.

bradshaw · Answer

murder on sex island: if you may be coping watching reality tv in bed (same), luella might just be your girl. go in blind. this book RIPS it’s so, so funny

alyssa swigart · Answer

doing something you did not know you were capable of: after my last significant breakup i went on a ten day phoneless backpacking trip with ten strangers after having camped only a handful of times. i learned how to build a small folding table out of wood. i started whittling spoons. it was one of the most fruitful periods of my life for understanding what i was capable of. i’m told this is how you build confidence.

i also have a big list of breakup media on are.na here if you need a book, poem, podcast, dance performance, etc. to turn to :) sending love

Claire Coffey · Answer

Take lessons for a new to you hobby/sport/activity. I did this with tennis and made new friends, learned a new sport, and got in really good shape!

Abby L · Answer

Remember that there was a time before you even knew they existed: And you were probably doing pretty ok at that time! Maybe better than ok!

Rec League automatically includes this freaky image with my post. I could change it but not sure what to even change it to…so I’m just gonna leave it because it’s requiring an image to be included 🤷‍♀️

Hope Corrigan · Answer

picture them with the diarrhea parasite: Sometimes picturing them doing gross stuff (and knowing that they have done this gross stuff) really helps break the spell…

Son Ch · Answer

SOLO TRIP!: Go on a trip! Go on your own! Meet up with old friends and make new ones! See new things, explore things at your own pace! The bygones wouldn't matter when you're rediscovering yourself in your elements!

JDJ · Answer

Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work Shaping Our Lives: You could read this book. It’s likely to make you angry.

Tiffy · Answer

Gardening: So you can grow a massive sunflower from seed and say you did that. It’ll outshine your thoughts and uplift you in ways only Mother Nature can - can also be grown in pot! If you don’t have a garden

Sophia Lucchesi · Answer

spa day!: Facial? Massage? Mani-pedi? All of the above? When I am feeling blue nothing helps me feel better than being pampered and taken care of.

Spines, Flicks, and Wax · Answer

Wander Around Your Public Library: Drop in to see if there's any free events going on, check out the local art and seasonal displays, or ask a librarian for their favorite picks 😊

Katie · Answer

lose their number: Don’t just block them, delete their number and all your texts, then delete the deleted texts. One moment of willpower to save future you in more delicate moments.

Em Trambert · Answer

Rescue a dog (or 2 or 3): Snuggles, companionship, and they make you go out in nature on walks and move your body. They are big goofs that will make you laugh and be present in the moment. Plus you’re literally saving their life!

mercuri lam · Answer

yoga retreat: very excited to go on mine in montana next month! I started doing yoga daily this summer & it has helped SO MUCH

Clara G · Answer

exercise - dealer’s choice: I went through a bad breakup in my early 20 s and joined a neighborhood gym. Helps you get over someone by offering:

-distracting new routine

-endorphins!

-surrounded by hot people

-you get stronger and love yourself more and forget about them

Quinn Trail · Answer

Let Somebody Go: Have a good cry and listen to this song.

rory · Answer

go to the movies a few times a week: an alternative method for solid disassociation / processing through stories. if you live in a big city i recommend finding some classic screenings to remove the choice paralysis.

regal cinemas is actually really good about programming movies from the past, this saveeeed me. i spent about 6 months going multiple nights a week!

rory · Answer

hide in ur room and read a great book: sometimes you just need to tap the fuck out and dive into a new world. not sure your taste but here are some books that really took me somewhere else

the great alone

the seven husbands of evalyn hugo

east of eden

ashley bauchman · Answer

Frosting Spoon: i keep a can of frosting in my fridge for the magical experience that is Frosting Spoon ™️.

Bad day? Frosting Spoon.

Good day? Frosting Spoon.

Pondering what to make for dinner? Frosting Spoon.

Frosting Spoon is there for you.

Jules · Answer

Lady Gaga - Free Woman: very important to listen to this walking down the street

Cecilia · Answer

A) Sending you a hug, B) Out of sight, out of mind!: DO NOT STALK!!!!! I know it's easier said than done, but quite literally act like they died. They aren't up to anything. There is nothing for you to see anymore, their storyline is finished. YOU are the main character, here! Don't focus on them , they are dead, gone, and buried. If you need closure, hold a little funeral where you can remember the good times, grieve, have a good cry, and then move forward with the knowledge that you have made room for new characters to enter your movie!

Hallie · Answer

Change or try one new thing each day: Turn right one block earlier on your usual walk and notice a flower you haven’t seen before. Switch up your coffee shop or maybe just your order for a day. Call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Flip when you normally exercise and/or read for pleasure. Try a different form of exercise. Listen to a new podcast. Just one change each day!

Think of each little change as a reclamation, a homecoming to you. Maybe you’ll discover a new favorite. Maybe you’ll just give your body and mind something else to focus on for a few minutes.

Jules · Answer

read a biography of a bad bitch: all of our icons and heroes loved and lost, doll. get inspired by how they reinvented themselves in the face of heartache. “now is the time for guts and guile” - liz taylor  (as referenced in SATC)

Anna · Answer

Cult Classic: Smart, fun, quick novel about a woman and her ex’s! Well written with a satisfying ending too.

Courtney · Answer

get under someone else: Get yourself out there. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Let yourself just have fun.