Strategies for an adult who is trying to control their temper. Books? Podcast episodes? Tricks?

Question

J Gutz · Answer

anger by thich nhat hanh: From the legend himself, an exploration of gently and kindly handling the inner flame of anger: “If your house is on fire, the most urgent thing to do is to go back and try to put out the fire, not to run after the person you believe to be the arsonist. If you run after the person you suspect has burned your house, your house will burn down while you are chasing him or her. That is not wise. You must go back and put out the fire. So when you are angry, if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person, if you try to punish her, you are acting exactly like someone who runs after the arsonist while everything goes up in flames.”

Mo · Answer

When you feel so mad that you want to roar...: ... take a deep breath and count to four.

Ok so I'm clearly being a little bit of a shit for suggesting a children's song, but taking a deep breath and counting really does help to slow down and keep you from blowing up at someone. Plus it amuses me to think that I'm following advice from daniel tiger which also helps take the wind out of my sails.

Gabriela Riccardi · Answer

Tapestry by Carole King: Are you in a bad mood? Depleted by the horrors of late-stage colonial-capitalism and the pandemonic state of the world at large? Sad! Allow me to reintroduce you to Ms. King, writer of songs that create the auditory equivalent of chamomile tea and maybe half a benzodiazepine. When you start spiraling about The State of Things, I really recommend you flip on Tapestry, in its vinyl format if possible, and let Carole soothe you as the earth moves under her (our) feet.

Emily · Answer

Waking Up App: This is my favorite meditation app. Created and maintained by Sam Harris of "new atheism" fame circa 2005. Lots of terrific contempative studies stuff in here to help you create just enough room between trigger and reaction to choose your behavior and tolerate the emotion.

Nathan H. · Answer

Tai Chi: Can be helpful in calming and centering yourself.

Emily · Answer

Getting Physical: Getting out of your head and into your body. Exercise, yoga, playing a sport. I hesitate to suggest this because it’s so corny but just did a rage room and it was surprisingly helpful, primarily because of the physicality of it!

Eda · Answer

Dance of anger: I can now see the dynamics and patterns in relationships at home, at work, between friends…

Eda · Answer

Dr lisa marie bobbie

jmd · Answer

Daily meditation: I'm no expert on anger management by any means, but this year I started doing 10 minutes of daily meditation every morning, and I can say that I've definitely felt the difference it makes in generally managing negative emotions and unhelpful reactions. Regular practice at quietly focusing on breathing, while also then noticing when thoughts and feelings start to bubble up, neutrally observing that they're there, and letting them go, has helped me to also sort of automatically notice negative emotions the same way when they come up during the day (frustration, impatience, perfectionist reactions, etc.) and treat them as things that I can observe happening internally and that aren't "me" (if that makes sense)—which does a lot to rob them of their power. Plus I just generally feel calmer, more balanced, and better able to focus throughout the day.

(This more or less describes what I've personally been doing, although that's not the only way to do it. The book I linked here is a generally interesting read that addresses some of the philosophy and scientific basis of it.)

Dylan · Answer

Somatics: Learning about and practising somatics has truly changed my mind-body connection. There are so many simple movements you can do to help release stagnant energy, ground yourself, and regulate your nervous system.

This is my friend & teacher's website, but there are many offerings out there to explore, both in person and from your home.

Sending so much love <3

seán patrick john paul george ringo doran · Answer

Internal Family Systems Model: “IFS posits that the mind is made up of multiple parts, and underlying them is a person's core or true Self. Like members of a family, a person's inner parts can take on extreme roles or subpersonalities. Each part has its own perspective, interests, memories, and viewpoint. A core tenet of IFS is that every part has a positive intent, even if its actions are counterproductive or cause dysfunction. There is no need to fight with, coerce, or eliminate parts; the IFS method promotes internal connection and harmony to bring the mind back into balance.”

D · Answer

Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens: Love and Rage helped me to reframe anger as an umbrella feeling, to look at collective suffering/trauma, and tools for being with the heartbreak of anger. It's very beautifully written too.

Sarah Cooney · Answer

Scream every once in a while!: The world is insane and sometimes you just need a good scream. It feels SO amazing to get it all out. This clip from The Bold Type (RIP!) is a great reminder that the subway coming in is a fabulous time to do it.