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better get to livin
better get to livin
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27d
better get to livin
Not taking directions from someone who has never been there
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Before you spiral out about someone's advice (or judgment), maybe take a sec to see if you actually want their life. Someone judging your relationship, parenting, career, or life choices hits very different once you notice that most of the time you don't actually want what they have, or you're comparing apples to oranges. As a recovering people pleaser trying to stop looking outside myself for validation and direction, this has helped me live more freely and happily, with far fewer fucks to give. It's also helped me figure out who I do want advice from, which has saved me a lot of time and confusion and made those relationships deeper. Maybe the mom friend whose chill-ass baby slept through the night at 8 weeks isn't the person to ask for sleep advice. And your aunt with a joyful 20-year marriage might have better relationship advice than the hilarious but proudly commitment-phobic friend with the hot take.
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36
3
4w
better get to livin
Windows Down, Seat Warmer On High, Singing Your Heart Out
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I moved somewhere where car culture is not a thing and while I am very grateful to no longer be trapped in my car in standstill traffic every time I leave my house (and that my roads are mostly dirt and surrounded by nature) I do deeply miss the very specific experience of driving with the windows down, crisp air kissing my face, seat warmers blasting, singing at the top of my lungs. To me, that is therapy-tier catharsis. It is the alone time I dream of. I recommend it fervently to all those who are able and I will be living vicariously through you.
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8
5w
responses
Break-Up Triage
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if you have just been dumped the first week is particularly gross and brutal. This is in part because most break up advice (get back into therapy, meditate, do things your ex didn’t like) is for later when you can think and function. Time heals all wounds (and life tends to work out in better ways than you can imagine mid-act) but while you wait that process out, these are the tried and true tricks of my people: Change all of your routines right away. All of them. Make coffee differently. Take a different route to work. Try a different ice cream. Old comforts and habits are not always comforting when you are untangling selfhoods. If you can afford it, buy new sheets and a new tooth brush. When things get bleak put yourself in a small space. My best friend put me in a large cardboard box during my worst break up and it was somehow the best thing that ever happened to me. A closet works well too. When you are still too sensitive for any shows where people love each other or might love each other in any way at all I highly recommend the dumbest competition show you can manage. Holey Moley, The Floor Is Lava, Wipeout. It has to be very dumb and silly (and for me physical). This works best with a friend (and maybe an edible or a glass of wine if you partake in such things and that doesn’t feel depressing) Touch grass. See the ocean. Go for a hike or at least a walk. Nature and some exercise hack your brain - pushing you towards awe and beauty and away from thought spirals. Make it frictionless or enlist a friend to plan it and pick you up. Let yourself be a little insane. Tell people what’s going on. Air it out. Everyone has been there and it is a weird opportunity for some beautiful life affirming human connection. Allow people to show up for you and actually tell them what you need. I don’t eat when I’m sad, and I need people around more often even if we are doing separate things. We all need different things but letting people know you and show up for you is healing. Good luck 🍀
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43
3
6w
responses
Play sardines
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My friend who is an absolute birthday queen has a birthday weekend every year at a hotel and the best part is a game of sardines (where one person hides and people join them as they find them - last one looking looses). The absurdity and space of a hotel helps but I think you could make it work many more accessible places. There is nothing funnier than being in a giant group of adults trying to hide and not laugh hysterically especialy in a public place. And you end up talking to more new people just because you have to which is an added bonus.
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5
6w
better get to livin
bradshaw
write thank-you notes to authors/artists
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The way this expands your world (inner and outer) 🤍
9
6w
better get to livin
Marriage Meetings
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I have been married for roughly three months so take my advice with a block of salt - but I have been a fan of these meetings for a long time. I used them in several relationships over the course of my adult life (spoiler alert - not all of them lasted) and continue to return to them as a great source of connection and camaraderie especially navigating an international move and feral toddler.
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92
15
6w
better get to livin
Better Get To Livin' by Dolly Parton as daily prayer
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WWDD is the eternal question and this song is where she answers it with very little sugar coating. It always makes me laugh and turns my mood around, I've been using it to bust out of my afternoon work slump for a week now and it has yet to loose its charm.
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8
1
7w
better get to livin
750 Words
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I have started The Artist's Way maybe... 5 times? I think I finished it once? Maybe? honestly who remembers. This is a complete bastardization of the morning pages idea, but it's simple and gamifies the concept and provides little graphs and word clouds that scratch an itch in my brain and keep me motivated. The upside to it being online and not in a notebook is that I use it to procrastinate getting work done and that somehow helps.
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8
1
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