Break-Up Triage

if you or a friend have just been dumped the first week is particularly gross and brutal. This is in part because most break up advice (get back into therapy, meditate, do things your ex didn’t like) is for later when you can think and function.

Time heals all wounds (and life tends to work out in better ways than you can imagine mid-act) but while you wait that process out, these are the tried and true tricks of my people:

1. Change all of your routines right away. All of them. Make coffee differently. Take a different route to work. Try a different ice cream. Old comforts and habits are not always comforting when you are untangling selfhoods.

2. If you can afford it, buy new sheets and a new tooth brush.

3. When things get bleak put yourself in a small space. My best friend put me in a large cardboard box during my worst break up and it was somehow the best thing that ever happened to me. A closet works well too.

4. When you are still too sensitive for any shows where people love each other or might love each other in any way at all I highly recommend the dumbest competition show you can manage. Holey Moley, The Floor Is Lava, Wipeout. It has to be very dumb and silly (and for me physical). This works best with a friend (and maybe an edible or a glass of wine if you partake in such things and that doesn’t feel depressing)

5. Touch grass. See the ocean. Go for a hike or at least a walk. Nature and some exercise hack your brain - pushing you towards awe and beauty and away from thought spirals. Make it frictionless or enlist a friend to plan it and pick you up.

6. Let yourself be a little insane. Tell people what’s going on. Air it out. Everyone has been there and it is a weird opportunity for some beautiful life affirming human connection.

7. Allow people to show up for you and actually tell them what you need. I don’t eat when I’m sad, and I need people around more often even if we are doing separate things. We all need different things but letting people know you and show up for you is healing.

Good luck 🍀