Any recommendations for someone in their 30s that was just diagnosed with Autism/OCD/ADHD?

Question

Kath · Answer

Meeting with a dietitian: If food is a challenge for you (the planning, the shopping, the remembering to eat, the sensory experience, the preparation, the nutrition, the burnout, and/or any other elements), there are dietitians who specialize in helping neurodivergent folks eat in a way that is sustainable for them. Some accept insurance!

A helpful search might be “registered dietitian adult neurodiversity [location]” or “registered dietitian autism OCD ADHD [location].” Some offer telehealth too if you’d prefer not to go in person.

Jenn · Answer

"If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.": A helpful phrase when someone responds to your diagnosis with invalidation or some other form of "well you're not like [insert autistic person they know/know of]."

Jenn · Answer

Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking: Solidarity with your community is SO important! Late-diagnosed and socially-functional (?!) autistic people get a lot of representation online, so here's a book of essays written by the first wave of autistic activists.

Vanessa · Answer

Inflow - Manage Your ADHD: I got so much strength and support from this community when I was diagnosed at 34. It was amid the Covid years and having a place online with real people, real experts that can relate and help was very important. I attended the live expert sessions regularly 👌✨ so informative.

Meg · Answer

NAD+: Ok so I’m not a doctor. I do, however, have chronic fatigue and have recovered from disabling autistic burnout. NAD+ is one of the main things that keep my (still limited but functional) capacity afloat. I have tried ALL methods (oral, nasal, IV etc..) and 10/10 recommend intramuscular injections as the most effective. You need a prescription and can get this from a compound pharmacy and do it at home. It targets mitochondrial function which is kind of everything. Talk to your ND or MD. Even a Psych can prescribe. Contraindicated if you have cancer

pino · Answer

fidgets!: there’s so many good ones

Kirsty · Answer

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price: Great book on embracing yourself and stopping trying to fit into a box that isn't yours.

Maryn · Answer

Find a therapist who understands the overlap: I'm autistic and I have ADHD and OCD. I've worked with therapists who specialize in one or more of these things, but I didn't get what I truly needed from my therapy experience until I found a therapist who deeply understands how all three diagnoses interact and overlap.

I personally work with an OCD therapist (through NOCD) who also intimately understands autism and ADHD and connects all three in my treatment. I love her and will follow her to the ends of the earth.

Note: The word comorbidity is weird to me and I'm intentionally not using it here even though it's the exact word for what I mean:) Picture and link are from Pinterest.

Jules · Answer

Jane Goodall Yourself: you need to study the shit out of yourself. When do you fray? When do you feel energy? when you got a task done how did you do it? When do you feel rested? What food makes you feel like a powerhouse? How much movement do you need? Try to write it and record it or at least develop some level of noticing. Can be very hard for us as we are just trying to survive.

This is the beginning of developing your scaffolding. This is how you pour your concrete. When shit hits the fan, you will have systems and understanding. Also it cannot be with a tone of what can i fix. It has to just be like “yeah when i have 7000 things to do and they all feel urgent, I let my closet become a war zone”. Ok fine. Good to know. Maybe that means you develop a system there, maybe it means you accept you won’t get to it for a while. First we collect data. you are your own gorilla in the mist, so to speak.

Jules · Answer

Notion, Rest, Brain Breaks, Nutrition, and Releasing Shame: My world got a lot better when I accepted I don’t work like everyone else. When I started to study decision-making and productivity frameworks (Cal Newport is a good place to start) I realized that for me, CAPTURE is my key struggle. You must not let your mind swing to other priorities and ideas without writing it down. Our brains have a hard time weighing priorities. This can make our days feel like 52 pickup. I use notion for management bc it allows for a lot of depth per task/idea/item but you can do this with any sort of tool. I am happy to give anyone who is curious a house tour of how I do this.

And btw I of course am not perfect, I take breaks from this system sometimes.

if you are rested, stress decently managed, and well exercised and fed, the above becomes easier. It’s hard to do these care things if you still think this is all your fault and if you could only be a different type of person life wouldn’t be so hard. for example, accepting that you’re not always going to have the tidiest apartment known to man makes it easier to actually be tidy. i know. it’s weird. ironic. but being hard on yourself creates blockages!

Dylan · Answer

Figure out how to be your most authentic self: Ok this is my 40-year-old-recovering-people-pleaser ramble on how to stop caring about what people think of you... Do what you will with this information!!!! Is this wisdom or delusion? Who cares! Also I'm still absolutely learning how to do this and am far from being an expert...

It might sound cliché, but once you learn to embrace your true self (let that freak flag fly!) and figure out your core values, it's much easier to care less what others think of you. It's worth asking yourself: are others even thinking those things, or are these just stories you're telling yourself? Why waste energy worrying about how everyone else is perceiving us? It's exhausting, and we will never win.

Something I've been practising this year is not responding to indirect communication. I’m autistic, so I have always struggled with people who speak in riddles and don’t say what they mean (which I know can be challenging for many of us, particularly certain groups of people due to the way we have been socialised to apologise for taking up space). I also encourage the people I love to do the same.

If I sense someone is annoyed or angry, I will ask them directly if they want to talk about it. If they say they don't, rather than ruminating on it and assuming it's all my fault or that there’s something wrong with me, I now practise accepting what they've said at face value, then wait for them to come to me if/when they're ready to talk about it. I used to expend so much energy dwelling on what I'd done wrong or how to fix it immediately because anything felt better than sitting in the discomfort of the unknown. Maybe it actually has nothing to do with me.

Another thing I’ve been practising this year is relinquishing the desire to control the narrative - let people misunderstand you! Let people judge you or even hate you! I'm def NOT saying use the "let them" theory because I believe that's reductive, toxic and individualistic. But there's a point at which we can get so preoccupied with how we're perceived or understood (classic struggle of a neurodivergent brain), we end up wasting precious energy convincing people of our worth. We don’t need to convince people of our worth; we are already worthy!!!

It feels liberating once you practice letting go of that need to be liked or understood by everyone. It frees up precious space in your life for the right people to find you - the ones who will see you and understand you. We assume so much because - if you're like me - we tend to experience severe discomfort in silence - so instead of sitting in that discomfort, we try to fill in the gaps in communication with our own made-up stories. Chances are, people aren't thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. Sometimes it's just not that deep!

Creating assumptions or false narratives based on social media is a classic example of this - it's so easy to piece together a story in your head based on a few tiny curated snippets from someone's social media, but how about having an actual irl conversation to find out what's actually happening in each other's lives? Groundbreaking.

Anyway, if you made it this far, congratulations and thank you for indulging me!!!

Dylan · Answer

Silly little mental health walks in nature: Just left the house for the first time in 9 days to go for a silly lil mental health walk in nature and found myself bawling my eyes out at this rainbow lorikeet just hanging outside his lil tree stump house. We stared into each other's eyes for a good 10 mins until he decided that was enough and retreated back inside his lil tree hole.

Dylan · Answer

Nervous System Regulating Music: calming & soothing sounds perfect for anxious moments <3

Dylan · Answer

Sedated by James Davies: A deep dive into the ways capitalism has shaped the diagnosis & treatment of mental health. I listened to the audiobook ~ if you can deal with the narration by a very posh-sounding British man, it's worth it for the detailed deep dives and some mind-blowing arguments imho.

Dylan · Answer

Containing multitudes: Saying "I contain multitudes" when making an unexpected life choice or questionable decision

Dylan · Answer

Somatics: Learning about and practising somatics has truly changed my mind-body connection. There are so many simple movements you can do to help release stagnant energy, ground yourself, and regulate your nervous system.

This is my friend & teacher's website, but there are many offerings out there to explore, both in person and from your home.

Sending so much love <3

Dylan · Answer

Wheel of Emotions: Actually so so helpful for neurodivergent folks and anyone who struggles with self awareness, identifying specific emotions, and articulating feelings! That shit can be really challenging sometimes <3

Dylan · Answer

Having an unsettling aura: and then accepting that your unsettling aura is autism

Dylan · Answer

Taking things literally: genius wisdom from @Meg: I’ll no longer be assuming unsaid + unclear intent. Miss me with that inference, I’m autismmaxxing.

Dylan · Answer

Pleasure, pain, dopamine + the brain: A podcast episode exploring the tangled relationship between pleasure, pain, & dopamine — unpacks compulsive overconsumption & how our brains process addiction & reward. ADHD baddies, this one is for us!

Dylan · Answer

Ladder - Workout Plan App: thank you @Maddy Franklin for this rec!

my ageing body has been craving strength workouts but the thought of entering a gym and being perceived is not my vibe and so it's cool i can do lots of these workouts from home!

it's like having a personal trainer in your pocket & you can sync up your music too. my sleep is already better! and somehow my menstrual cycle is less debilitating??

is anyone else on this app? what team are you?

Dylan · Answer

Going potato mode: Did you know that humans share about 50% of our DNA with potatoes because we use the same basic genes for cellular function? This is what Reddit told me, anyway, which is obviously the most reliable source of scientific knowledge.

With this in mind, I highly recommend transforming yourself into a human potato by getting into the comfiest clothes possible, surrounding yourself with pillows and blankets, and merging your body with your couch.

Allow any freeloaders (pets, kids, etc) to nuzzle in your nooks. Put on your favourite comfort movie/show/podcast or read a cosy book.

And remember: rest is not earned, rest is not "laziness", rest is a basic need and simple pleasure.

Dylan · Answer

Going non verbal for two to twelve hours: where my introverted overstimulated divas at???

Dylan · Answer

"Because of who I am as a person": As a recovering people pleaser who is trying to stop overexplaining myself, saying "because of who I am as a person" as an explanation might just be the perfect solution.

Highly recommended for all my ADHD and autistic hotties out there who sometimes ~simply cannot~ gather the executive function required to achieve a supposedly simple task, such as arriving on time or having a tidy house.

You're welcome <3

Dylan · Answer

Find the path of least resistance: Look for things you struggle with and find ways to reduce the barriers that prevent you from doing them.

ADHD brain here, so by no means have I mastered this art, but I've slowly been figuring out little ways to work with my brain instead of against it.

Some examples I (try to) do below:

Prep my coffee, breakfast, and workout equipment the night before.

Having two laundry baskets - one in my bedroom for clean or barely worn clothes to be dumped. One in the laundry for the dirty stuff that needs washing.

As soon as I run out of something I add it to my TO BUY list on my notes app.

Owning multiples of things - eg. scissors, combs, deodorant, tweezers, all the things I'm using (and losing) frequently!

Keeping my house keys by the door - and anything I need to remember to take with me next to them - eg. my lunch for the day. or a random fork so that my brain goes "why is that fork there - oh i need to grab my lunch from the fridge!"

Having a box or basket in each room of the house for dumping random crap that needs to be put away. That way at least it's all in one spot rather than spread out all over the place! This tricks my brain into feeling like it's a little more manageable to put everything away.

Always eager to discover more ideas along these lines.

Dylan · Answer

Dexamphetamine: makes me focus like i've never focused before. sure, i might still be focusing on the wrong things, but a win is a win.

Dylan · Answer

Attention-Deficit Neuropsychology (ADHD) with Russell Barkley: This took me a long time to finish because, hilariously, they’re very long episodes for someone with ADHD to pay attention to. Irony not lost on me!

Part 2 is here.

ak · Answer

somatic therapy: i’m right there with you and realized i haven’t been actually feeling emotions for most of my life. somatic therapy felt so goofy at first but being able to be like “i think i feel angry and that’s ok” genuinely shifted So Much

Maryn · Answer

Sound Bath playlist: Got burnt out and largely had to take a break from my typical music, podcasts, etc because they were too much for my brain. This playlist, however, has been a godsend. Calms my nervous system beautifully.

Maryn · Answer

Semi-smartwatch: Fitbit Inspire 3: Got it for my ADHD, not for fitness lolol. Did not want a mini phone on my wrist. This has the tools I need (timer, alarms, alerts) and leaves out the rest. And it was on sale!

Maryn · Answer

Set a timer!: I have ADHD plus OCD, so big time solidarity here. It's so hard. One of the things that has helped me most is breaking tasks into chunks and then setting a timer! And once that time is up, no going back and ruminating on what you did — just keep moving along. This practice is brought to you by my OCD therapist. 🫶 (For real though, many of my sessions are spent doing exactly this!)

Linking a visual timer I have, but any timer will do!

Maryn · Answer

Values-based decision-making: When my husband and I were recently trying to decide if we should make another out-of-state move, we made a list of the things we value about a place to live: walkability, diversity, great food scene, etc. Then we went down the value list and gave each place we were considering a score out of 5 for each value. Then we tallied up the scores. It was a surprisingly impactful way to see which decision aligned more with our values.

All this to say, it worked because we're moving next week!

(Linked is a popular list of values from Brené Brown which are a great starting point depending on what the decision is)

Update: Reporting back after having lived in our new city for two months. We're so happy with our choice!

Maryn · Answer

Remove as much as you can from your plate: I got burnt out last year and it was very humbling how little I had the capacity for. I had to quit multiple things and do much less in my free time. I had to set a lot of boundaries at work and minimize my load where I could. But it was necessary and ultimately helped me get closer to feeling like myself again. Solidarity!

(Random photo of flowers because I don't know what else to put here:)

Maryn · Answer

The Autistic Burnout Workbook: If you’re autistic, know that autistic burnout is on a separate plane from neurotypical burnout and what works for neurotypical recovery may not work for you (speaking from experience). This workbook is a great starting point to understanding autistic burnout and building a recovery plan.

If going through a workbook feels like too much right now (fully get that!), then I’d highly recommend learning about autistic burnout in whatever ways feel manageable for you right now.

Maryn · Answer

OCD treatment through NOCD: FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR NOCD!!!