what do you wish you knew in your 20s?

Question

Emilie Bienvenew · Answer

How to Live a Rich Life: Understanding what is my own personal "rich life" then building all my budget and spending around it.

The trick is to pick your own part of your life that makes you happy and what brings no real & long lasting personal joy - because you can't "have it all".

I don't care if it doesn't match with others ways of budgeting/spending money, I'm now really confident that I'm making the good choices because it works.

Ramit Sethi explains this really well in all his media, you can pick the one that works best for you (podcast, Netflix series, newsletter or books)

Emilie Bienvenew · Answer

Mix generation learning the family recipes: Ask your mother/father/in-laws/aunt/uncle to spend time teaching to kids and your generation their best family recipe(s) - especially the ones with all the "secrets" ingredients or gesture to master it. Of course the dish is now named under this person for 2 generations at least : what a great memory to pass on !

Did this with my mother-in-law and her grandson : we now master the secret of homemade vermicelli and will cherish the time together in the kitchen spreading flour everywhere !

Karen Fischer · Answer

The chaos is good for you: The chaos and spiritual pain that is being unsure if you'll ever figure out your potential / what you want to do / etc is exactly what will propel you to make decisions that help you eventually get where you want to go. Also, trust your gut. You tend to be right.

Dylan · Answer

Remembering that elderly women are ‘just girls’ too: a beautiful reminder from @Kelly P!

Invite them to the parties (they may not go but will be thrilled you asked), compliment their cute outfits or hair-do’s, ask them what they’re doing on the weekend, have a little gossip with them, tell them they deserve a little treat. After all, they’re just girls and deserve to have fun too!

Dylan · Answer

We are so anti-ageing that we forget how lucky we are to get older: written by me in 2021 <3

p.s. that's my mum in the pic!

Dylan · Answer

Enjoy being single!: To be single is to be inconvenient. Uncontainable. Disruptive. Subversive. Extremely sexy and also very modest. I don't make the rules; that's just science bitch.

But seriously, it’s being self-reliant — and honestly, fucking brave — in a culture that tells you you’re incomplete without a plus-one.

In the words of ancient philosopher Jason Derulo, who sings his own name more than anyone has ever sung their own name:

I’m ridin’ solo.

Dylan · Answer

feel the discomfort and move forward: one of my affirmations for 2026

Dylan · Answer

Learn to be alone + enjoy your own company :): This is a huge one for so many people. I've witnessed friends who simply couldn't bear to be alone with their thoughts for even five minutes. It's hard to watch them continue to make choices that are misaligned with what they truly crave, all because they were afraid to be alone.

I get it. It's scary. We exist in a world that wants us to be constantly distracted or stimulated or so unbelievably busy that we don't have a spare second to stop and think and reflect. And there are certainly moments where distraction is exactly what the doctor ordered. I also realise that alone time is a privilege that not everyone is afforded or has access to so easily. It's nuanced.

But the older I get, the more I value how precious my alone time is and how grateful I am for its ability to help me learn more about myself. Plus, it allows me to recharge so I can be more present and appreciative of time with my loved ones and community, too.

<3

Dylan · Answer

Romance yourself! Romance your friends!: Truly cannot recommend this more highly.

Romance yourself!

Book yourself in for a treat-yourself day - spa, sauna, massage, mani pedi, hair, facial - whatever. You also don't have to spend money to do this! Spend a day alone without too many distractions - journal about what you're grateful for (even something as simple as sunshine or clean water or a roof over your head), connect with nature, listen to a song that makes you feel loved (my rec would be Know That You Are Loved by Cleo Sol), light some incense/your fave candle, swim in the ocean or take a bath, make your favourite meal, kiss/pat a cute animal.

Romance your friends!

Send a love letter to your bestie. Make a playlist for a friend with all your favourite songs. Prepare a delicious dinner for a friend & decorate the table with flowers. Send a text just to tell your friends you love them. Buy a little gift for a friend just because. Write all the things you love about your bestie on little bits of paper, put them in a jar and gift it to them to read when they're feeling down. Deliver a tasty treat from the bakery. Call a mate you haven't spoken to in ages. Plan a FaceTime catch-up with a long-distance bestie. Send them a video of yourself doing a silly dance!

Dylan · Answer

Stop over-explaining yourself to people determined to misunderstand you: Sometimes I notice myself reverting to old people-pleasing patterns and extreme hypervigilance.

So I remind myself that it's important to practice sitting with the discomfort of the knowledge that some people may not like me or understand me.

And that's ok. It's not my job to convince them of who I am. I know who I am!

Dylan · Answer

Figure out how to be your most authentic self: Ok this is my 40-year-old-recovering-people-pleaser ramble on how to stop caring about what people think of you... Do what you will with this information!!!! Is this wisdom or delusion? Who cares! Also I'm still absolutely learning how to do this and am far from being an expert...

It might sound cliché, but once you learn to embrace your true self (let that freak flag fly!) and figure out your core values, it's much easier to care less what others think of you. It's worth asking yourself: are others even thinking those things, or are these just stories you're telling yourself? Why waste energy worrying about how everyone else is perceiving us? It's exhausting, and we will never win.

Something I've been practising this year is not responding to indirect communication. I’m autistic, so I have always struggled with people who speak in riddles and don’t say what they mean (which I know can be challenging for many of us, particularly certain groups of people due to the way we have been socialised to apologise for taking up space). I also encourage the people I love to do the same.

If I sense someone is annoyed or angry, I will ask them directly if they want to talk about it. If they say they don't, rather than ruminating on it and assuming it's all my fault or that there’s something wrong with me, I now practise accepting what they've said at face value, then wait for them to come to me if/when they're ready to talk about it. I used to expend so much energy dwelling on what I'd done wrong or how to fix it immediately because anything felt better than sitting in the discomfort of the unknown. Maybe it actually has nothing to do with me.

Another thing I’ve been practising this year is relinquishing the desire to control the narrative - let people misunderstand you! Let people judge you or even hate you! I'm def NOT saying use the "let them" theory because I believe that's reductive, toxic and individualistic. But there's a point at which we can get so preoccupied with how we're perceived or understood (classic struggle of a neurodivergent brain), we end up wasting precious energy convincing people of our worth. We don’t need to convince people of our worth; we are already worthy!!!

It feels liberating once you practice letting go of that need to be liked or understood by everyone. It frees up precious space in your life for the right people to find you - the ones who will see you and understand you. We assume so much because - if you're like me - we tend to experience severe discomfort in silence - so instead of sitting in that discomfort, we try to fill in the gaps in communication with our own made-up stories. Chances are, people aren't thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. Sometimes it's just not that deep!

Creating assumptions or false narratives based on social media is a classic example of this - it's so easy to piece together a story in your head based on a few tiny curated snippets from someone's social media, but how about having an actual irl conversation to find out what's actually happening in each other's lives? Groundbreaking.

Anyway, if you made it this far, congratulations and thank you for indulging me!!!

Meg · Answer

Channeling Don Draper: The power of apathy neutralizes rumination and rage. Block it/them energetically and watch yourself thrive.

Stevie · Answer

Fall in love with friendship: invest time in deep, caring friendships more than time spent trying to find the perfect romantic relationship