10 Carrot Diamond

“Stage 1: Denial. You’re not like other moms. You’re a cool mom. Your baby listens to the cool music you like - Miles Davis and Pavement and Leonard Cohen, you’re raising this infant right! Stage 2: Anger. Your baby has somehow learned about the existence of a song called One Little Finger. You don’t know how. You don’t know when. But now this undeniable ear worm lives in your brain rent-free forever. Stage 3: Bargaining. Ok honey we’ll listen to Baby Beluga, but THEN we’ll listen to the entirety of the 2003 Shins album Chutes to Narrow Or no, ok, we can just listen to Baby Beluga on an infinite loop. And yes, you can have some goldfish. Stage 4:Depression. You acknowledge that Raffi kind of fucks. You are driving alone in your car and realize you are still listening to the Okee Dokee Brothers. This is depressing. Stage 5: Acceptance. You know Raffi fucks, this guy was a goddamn hit machine. Oh you’re not listening to Charlotte Diamond’s seminal 1985 album 10 Carrot Diamond, do you even want your child to appreciate culture?Do you think the Okee Dokee Brothers are playing any festivals? Let’s get tickets.”