Crying in H Mart

“My favorite memoir to date. Michelle Zauner covers family + grief + food + identity. Also, she is a (literal) rockstar.”

“You might know Michelle Zauner as the creative force behind Japanese Breakfast, but here, she steps out from her indie pop persona, sharing a raw, deeply personal side. Her 2021 memoir, Crying in H Mart, is a potent exploration of how grief, culture, and identity intertwine after losing someone who’s been your anchor. Born to a Korean mother and an American father, Zauner grew up navigating her Korean heritage somewhat from the sidelines. After her mother died of cancer, she was left shattered, feeling as if a part of her own identity was gone too. She captures this dislocation vividly: Sobbing near the dry goods, asking myself, ‘Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left in my life to call and ask which brand of seaweed we used to buy?’ Her grief pushes her into limbo, where she wonders who she is without her mother’s guidance through her cultural roots. This search for connection leads her back to Korean food and rituals as a lifeline. H Mart—a Korean-American grocery store—becomes her sanctuary, a place to feel her mother’s presence and hold onto that part of herself. As I read, I was suddenly transported back to a moment from my childhood, when my mum and I spent a day with the Korean wife of one of my dad’s work colleagues, learning how to make a traditional bean curd dish that I remember being obsessed with. Decades later, I sit here wishing my mum was still alive so I could ask her if she remembers what that dish was called. Sometimes I wonder if grieving the questions that can no longer be answered is the hardest part of a loss. I’m searching for memories, Zauner writes, I’m collecting the evidence that the Korean half of my identity didn’t die when they did. Zauner’s reflections feel achingly real for anyone who’s felt the void left by a lost loved one. If I’m being honest, there’s a lot of anger. I’m angry at this old Korean woman I don’t know, that she gets to live, and my mother does not. That familiar yet volatile recipe of anger layered with guilt and a quiet yearning, as she questions whether wholeness is even possible. In Crying in H Mart, Zauner captures the journey of embodying her mother’s legacy, holding onto the parts that shaped her. Her words resonate with anyone who’s felt the ache of absence, the need to remember, and the hope that what remains might guide us forward. You can read the first chapter of Zauner’s memoir in The New Yorker. For more stories exploring grief, identity, and connection, visit Grief Club. (originally posted on my now-archived Substack)”

“This is a great book, but the advice I would give about experiencing profound grief, as I’ve come to call it, is to talk to someone who has a shared experience. I have a friend who went through a very similar loss. She proactively inserted herself in my life when I needed connection & processing most but didn’t know how to ask or what to say. After some time and space, maybe a few years, turn around and do this for someone else you meet who has experienced loss at a great depth. My friend has set off a little chain reaction. She showed up for me, and I have shown up now for many others, and now they are doing the same. I think part of the reason grief is so unbearable at times is that (at least in the U.S.), we are not good at talking about it. People who have not experienced profound grief are fortunate, but they are not going to be able to relate quite the same as someone who has been there, and I encourage you to seek those people out, those of us who are part of this horrible club… We can be there for each other and those that will need us in the future.”

“it’s just so good.”

“The food descriptions in this book alone are everything. So many beautiful and complicated portrayals of relationships. Such a fan!”

“for those who love to get absolutely devastated by their media consumption. this was my favorite read in the past 5+ years.”

“read by Michelle herself and impossible to turn off. Feels like listening to a friend pouring over her complex emotions over a couch coffee hang that turns into wine night”

“Losing a parent, especially when the relationship is complicated, is an entirely different kaleidoscope of pain. This book seems to nail that.”

“So far really loving it . Excited to keep going.”

“Lovely memoir about family relationships and grief. I listened to the audio book that was performed by the author.”

“a beautiful book about grief”

“Another amazing book centered on grief. I cried multiple times throughout the book and loved to learn about the authors culture and how her experience was woven I to her grief journey and navigation.”