Circle of Control

“When my life was falling apart—health, self-image, work, relationships—a social worker I worked with in a high-stress environment asked me to start doing the same exercises we asked kids in crisis to do when they were in therapy. The one that really changed things for me was the circle of control. By understanding what I could control and influence and what I could not, it made changing my circumstances (and life and much of my identity!) something far more manageable over the next few years.”

“My morning pages recently called my attention to how much energy my constant list making (which would range from picking up clothes in the bathroom to general directives like reactivate professional networks) robbed from me. I like dreaming and at my toughest times, I’ve been prone to inertia. List making, and breaking those lists into manageable steps was one way I fought the stagnation. But somewhere in my addled brain, this very specific process became a millstone that I was trying to use as a lawnmower. Reorientation to what you can control is so essential to breaking free of the drive toward perfection that my dad called “letting better get in the way of good enough.” Spending 45 minutes doing the thing is better than planning all the steps. And resting when you aren’t doing is better than spending three hours ruminating on what you need to do. The doing. Always the doing.”