Shockmaxxing (or Redefining Shock Value)

“hear me out. the best thing i’ve been able to do for myself when something happens that is deeply fucked up is take a breath, ask myself what i will be unable to do once the shock wears off, and do that. my rec for that: let your people know something crazy bananas is going on for you, that you’re still in shock, and you’re going to need support soon but you wanted to call before it felt too scary to call. adrenaline is rarely something you can harness in a time when you need it; find a way to regulate and redistribute it if you can.”

“i can hear you boo-ing through the screen, but i’m serious. do whatever you’d tell a friend to do. advice becomes cheesy the minute people are tired of acknowledging it works. be a woman of your word and try whatever advice you’d give a friend, so you at least have the credit to say, “well, i did it,” when they don’t want to listen to you next time.”

“trauma can really fuck up a girl’s morning. and by that i mean, there are pieces of your days that will be wrapped in grief, and those shots will beg for a chaser. give yourself something small to hold onto, something kind that’s just for you, that can come around pretty regularly. slot in morning walks where morning texts may have been, make time you allocate to texting and calling friends you haven’t talked to in a while, make a new fun habit that signals bedtime to your brain. make a small promise to yourself and keep it. *if you can’t keep it, make it smaller. i’m not a cop.”

“it will be endorphin time. you will sweat out the pain a little bit similar to their recommendation of sweating out tequila. you are going to hate endorphin time but it is going to be much less destructive than solely dopamine time. the energy vibrating your thumbs over a keyboard (that happens to be under a contact name it shouldn’t be, or in a reddit thread at 4am, whichever’s worse) can get out in less destructive ways. this is not permission to develop a messed up relationship with your body (more on that in a sec), this is just figuring out if you can get some of the tension out in ways that might not be screenshotted. the temptation with antsy, nervous energy is to get a little crazy with it, and i support women’s rights and wrongs, i’m just saying a walk on a treadmill for one podcast episode before clicking send could be great.”

“my life changed the moment i learned the following: 1. to do my makeup in the parking lot using my rearview mirror, and 2. i’m allowed to put on clothes and decide if i’d wear them solely based on how they felt on my body. look good, feel good, isn’t untrue. but hyperfixating on how you look is guaranteed misery. the rearview mirror in a parked car allows you to see if your makeup is blended, but doesn’t provide the necessary vantage point to tear yourself apart. also, the makeup won’t make you late because you’re already parked when you’re putting it on. this rule can be bent for doing hair because i have burned myself several times trying to not look in the mirror too much while doing it. i have personally mastered this skill but cannot in good conscience recommend it.”