The Rich Cream

“A $315 dollar face cream is not coming to my house unless it’s a very thoughtful present or some swag (this was the latter.) BUT now that I’ve used it I will let you know that I understand why someone might pay $315 dollars for a face cream. Twice in my life I have developed a sudden bout of what looked to be rosacea from the cycle of wearing makeup all day, removing it at night and then slapping it back on in the morning. The first time was from the prosthetics on American Horror Story and the second was this book tour. Research revealed that this has to do with the stripping of your skin’s lipid barrier, which creates a rosacea adjacent spectacle. The recommended solution was “slugging”- a thin layer of petroleum on the face to reseal what has been broken. I dunno, you guys… So when this very thick cream appeared- which does not share any ingredients with, ya know, gasoline- I thought I’d give it a try. I’ve slugged with it for 3 nights and my lipid barrier seems nearly revived. Look, it’s basically extremely fancy Pond’s cold cream, but think about your grandma and her Pond’s- didn’t her lipid barrier seem good?”