Riding the waves

I just turned 40 and recently wrote an essay about what my thirties felt like, and what I learned. Here's an excerpt:

"Sometimes in your thirties you have to course correct, change your why, flip the script. Sometimes you’re too scared to do anything and you just white-knuckle it, hoping that things sort themselves out.

You learn a lot about yourself in moments of being stuck. And all of that is okay. Because no matter which road you choose, you will struggle. And all forks feel like failure some of the time, contrary to the feed of updates at your thumb. You fail, you succeed. You’re lost, you’re found.

And in between it all: heartbreak, weddings, babies, dance parties, deaths, sex, laundry, trauma, sunsets, accidents, love, triumphs, public tragedies, hugs, paychecks, sicknesses, divorce, picnics, taxes, mistakes, hikes, bills, trips, parking tickets, birthdays, joys, natural disasters, crying, laughter, bliss.

You’re swimming through it all in your thirties, waiting for things to even out somehow, for the destination to reveal itself. You’re swimming and sinking.

Reveal yourself.

Reveal yourself.

Reveal yourself!

You beg, you plead, you wait.

There are glimpses, but never an unobstructed vista.

And then at some point, you realize, this swimming is life. These glimpses are the best view. The only view. And what was happening while you were waiting for the reveal was life itself. This series of ups and downs, steps forward and steps back, all of it, this is your life."