Question Everything.

I'm about to be that lady, but I'm extremely proud of our wedding. We were in our late 30s, had been to lots of weddings, knew what we liked & didn't... so we did what we wanted. No bouquet toss. No garter nonsense. No chair dance. One bridesmaid, one groomsman, free to wear what they wanted within a color scheme. Designed our own ceremony with light religion, friend & family participation, a pro gay marriage statement (it was 2011). And several things people insisted we couldn't/shouldn't do, including:

Getting married at a zoo - While looking online at venues, I found myself so bored with hotels, country clubs, blah blah blah. Then I saw a photo of a bride and groom with a smiling giraffe between them and thought "BOOM." Zoo wedding. After the ceremony, everyone got on the little train and saw all the animals. I wanted a penguin ring-bearer but the planner assured me that a) everyone wants that, and b) you don't actually want that because penguins are smelly assholes. Also, a naturally beautiful venue means saving lots of money on flowers & decor.

A strict no-kids policy - It doesn't make sense for everyone but did for us. Several older relatives told us it was a horrible thing to do... and ALL of our friends with small children thanked us for giving them an excuse to have a night (or longer) to themselves.

Pop-up invitations - I think my husband thought I was kidding. I wasn't. We found someone on Etsy. They were WONDERFUL. We also did a custom Etsy cake-topper with our cats represented, which is now a treasured keepsake.

Muppets made to look like us - At the time, there was a thing at FAO Schwartz in NYC called the Muppet Whatnot Workshop. Sort of like Build-a-Bear but Muppets. So we got bride & groom versions of ourselves that guests could take Polaroids with upon arrival, then glue them into a book with a message. It was the first wedding thing I knew I wanted and just a fun signal that this was not going to be... normal. (No one told us not to do this because... it's awesome.)

No seating chart - We had some bar tables, some lounge setups, some standard tables... enough seating for 75% of people to sit at once, so there were always some groups of people standing & chatting, dancing, etc. So many people promised us it would be a disaster. In fact, it saved us a ton of stress and people LOVED the flexibility.

Hors d'inner - Instead of seated meal service or a buffet, we did heavy tray-passed food (think little grilled cheese & tomato soups, sliders, mac & cheese balls, spanakopita triangles, etc.) so people could eat when & as much as they liked. I designated a server to bring everything to me first, so I did not fall victim to the thing where the bride doesn't have time to eat. F@#% that. Again, lots of people told us we were crazy and then everyone loved it.

Mini cakes - I'm not a big cake person, especially not traditional wedding varieties. So we found someone to make cupcake-sized layer cakes in a a variety of flavors - traditional, chocolate, carrot, peanut butter, red velvet - with one slightly larger one for us to cut into. It made service easy and people could have something they actually liked.

A DJ... with rules - We wanted music we liked and not a lot of chatter, so we provided parameters, some specifics... and a sign that read "Sorry, NO REQUESTS." We also did a playlist for the beginning & end of the evening, so we didn't pay for all that DJ time and still had great music.

Basically, we didn't do anything just because that's how it's done, and the result was a wedding that really felt like US. And a number of these were cheaper than if we'd done what's traditional, and we ended up supporting small local businesses because our requests were... unusual. And it's not even that anyone should do any of these particular things. Just... do YOU.