Find routine to find community

Go back to the same places, the same events, the same times.

When you first moved to New York City, you swore you’d never eat at the same restaurant or drink at the same bar twice. There are so many good options, you’d never have to. But that’s a visitor’s mindset, and a flawed one at that. Discovering places you love and letting yourself enjoy them again and again isn’t just about self-trust, but also about community. There’s value in slowing down, getting to know people who work at or frequent the places you like, and being able to really tell someone about the best spots in your neighborhood that aren’t just based on one meal you had and a Beli score.

When you first tried to get into fitness, you obsessed over the ClassPass app and how many unique workout classes you could try. You underwater-cycled with a bunch of elderly women; you pole danced, ballet danced, danced a “Sass Class” that involved far too much floor twerking; you practiced yoga and pilates at probably ten different studios. All of that was exciting and interesting and pushed you out of your comfort zone — in the short term. It was important for discovering how you enjoy moving your body, but not great for consistency or community or supporting the local studios you like in the long term.

When you discovered rock climbing, and especially the yoga class at the climbing gym, your fitness routine blended with a new social circle. You didn’t stop all other one-off classes, but you prioritized one place and showed up at the same time for class every week, with the same instructor, and eventually the class took on a community of its own, and that changed your life.

You are someone who has always wanted to do it all — to travel everywhere, stay active constantly, dabble in a variety of hobbies, and cross 20-something goals off a birthday bucket list each year. But slowing down and diving deeper into something can provide new experiences, perspectives, and forms of connection in a different way.

So return to what you’ve already done, where you’ve already been. Keep going back, and grow from there, instead of someplace new. Say hi to familiar faces. Savor your expertise. Know what to order. Remember to reflect.