How do you cope with death and grief if you are not a religious or spiritual person? How do I wrap my head around the unthinkable, unbearable pain of losing someone and never ever seeing them again, and also our own impending death and the permanency of it all? Something like an afterlife where we reunite with our loved ones again sounds too lofty and too good to be true, and like magical thinking. I have seen the scientific explanations regarding physics, matter, and energy, but it is not doing it for me either.

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Jules · Answer

Claire Willis’s “Opening to Grief”: This is a compassionate meditation on grief that’s also deeply practical. She offers you practices to walk you through the grief, versus fighting it.

Malorie · Answer

Grief Karaoke at Greenwood Cemetery: My sister sent this event to me last month and I knew I had to go even though I did not know what to expect at all. David and Anna went on this journey with me and as soon as we passed through the cemetery gate the city noise vanished and the stars became just a bit more visible. We didn’t sing, but listened to stories and memories of people performing and occasionally danced with everyone. I was moved by everyone sharing memories of their loved ones and by the time the event wrapped up it felt as though a little community had been formed and a very special shared experience had taken place. So check out events happening at Greenwood Cemetery during the day or night. Apparently they are busy busy during the fall! It’s a beautiful place for quiet and reflection.

Jess · Answer

Sitting shiva.: Shiva is an incredible way of processing grief, but don't wait until you've sat shiva yourself to show up for others. Shiva gives structure not just to the mourner, but to the community in how to support them.

If you're a first-time shiva attender, some tips:

Only bring food if you know the mourner well.

Don't greet the mourner when you come in. Just find a seat - they'll acknowledge you when they're ready.

Stay, sit, listen to stories. Be silent with the mourner if that's what they need. Your job is to follow their lead.

If you need something while you're in the shiva house, there will usually be a community member who's coordinating things. Get help from them, not the mourner.

When you are ready to leave, don't say goodbye. Instead, there's a short ritual phrase to use, that will usually be printed on a card right near where the mourner is sitting.

Bonus tip: if you have great stories about the deceased, share them after the shiva in a voice note. I still re-listen to the stories people sent me about my dad.

Jeanine Nault · Answer

A dance floor: Specifically, for me, a techno dance floor at a cool little club or a rave or a warehouse party. There is something deeply spiritual and meditative to me about it. To be in communion with all of these other people on the dance floor who are looking for somewhere to put their grief, their love, their fear, their hope, themselves in service to that beat? It has healed me in ways I did not expect. Writer Michelle Lhooq once wrote that, “grief is an extended release” and that’s what a good dance floor can bring me.