Sitting shiva.

Shiva is an incredible way of processing grief, but don't wait until you've sat shiva yourself to show up for others. Shiva gives structure not just to the mourner, but to the community in how to support them.

If you're a first-time shiva attender, some tips:

• Only bring food if you know the mourner well.

• Don't greet the mourner when you come in. Just find a seat - they'll acknowledge you when they're ready.

• Stay, sit, listen to stories. Be silent with the mourner if that's what they need. Your job is to follow their lead.

• If you need something while you're in the shiva house, there will usually be a community member who's coordinating things. Get help from them, not the mourner.

• When you are ready to leave, don't say goodbye. Instead, there's a short ritual phrase to use, that will usually be printed on a card right near where the mourner is sitting.

Bonus tip: if you have great stories about the deceased, share them after the shiva in a voice note. I still re-listen to the stories people sent me about my dad.