although I’m not religiously, just secularly Jewish…(on ritual and rememberance)

…i really appreciate the tradition of yahrzeit, the yearly commemoration of a person’s death-day. usually people light candles that can stay burning 24 hours, if religious, recite the Kaddish, and give to charity in their loved one’s name.

i find it very special not only to have a cultural affirmation that you’re not expected to get over it — though when it’s been a while it can become a time to tell stories and be reminiscent in a good way, esp if not praying — but also that it’s seen as a good act of remembrance to give to charity.

(You’re probably saying “wait, that’s a menorah”. My grandfather died on Dec 24, and some years ago while doing genealogy I found an antique menorah from the now-closed silversmith where he worked in silver plating, and got it for my mother. So, some years the candle-burning overlaps.]

i’m pretty bad at ritual — i’ve meant to get a tattoo for a dear friend who passed way too soon for years now and it just hasn’t ever been right — but i really love listening to songs that remind me of my people or singing the ones they got me into.

(lisianthus for Lys. this was a sad day but i like my drawing.)

my partner has taken their mother’s ashes with them every place in the world we/they’ve gone that she never made it to, and that’s been really emotional and special, too.

anyway this is so long! sending you love and hugs: grief is so hard even when we square up to it. may your mother’s memory be a blessing. ❤️