ask what they want, including whether they want to talk when you come by

this came after i was organizing a meal train in my city when a faraway friend who'd just had a baby confessed in a group chat that she felt exhausted and guilty after being forced to make small talk shortly after giving birth while receiving a dish that didn't even sound very tasty to her, and the weight and social expectations of the experience in a vulnerable time actually made her feel worse. i don't know if it meant that what i did in response was perfect, but i tried to use that input to ask my friend in the meal train i organized if there were ever specific things she was craving and tried to make meals designed for that every week, and coordinated with her partner so that she knew she was never obligated to come out and say hi if she didn't feel up to it