Reframe annoyance with your kid(s)

Your annoyance is not a flaw or reflection of your ill fit to parenting or the current age that your kids are or anything like that; it’s a sympathetic response to the mild distress that your children are showing you. We are feeling off because we can tell they are off.

Annoying behaviors, such as interrupting, rapid-fire questions, dumping toys, frantic movement, little sibling squabbles, and the dreaded phrase, “do I have to?” are all little signs children give us when what we ask is exceeding what they can do well or what they need in that moment. When you get them back on track, you’ll feel yourself back on track, too.

The answer is to treat it more like sleepy cues when caring for a baby. This is the time to collect and direct—gather their attention and literally tell them: this is what we’re going to do.

And whatever you decide matters less than the fact that you stepped up and made the decision, without getting fussed yourself. The kids are saying, “somebody lead me, somebody direct me.”