Being honest with your mom

My mom hates it when I send her my kid’s wishlists before birthdays or holidays. I just sent her my daughter’s birthday list, knowing it wouldn’t land well. She wrote back saying she preferred to get her tix to a show but was wondering if choosing from her list was better. (Hey, at least she asked!)

Here was my response. Interested in what you guys think…

“My stance on present-giving has really changed over the years.  Re a show, I think it’s a good idea in general but not for a kid’s birthday present. I know for you and me, for decades, it’s been a “normal” thing to buy someone something that we think they’d like.  It is thoughtful to say “I saw this and thought you’d really like it”.

Now, however, I’m noticing it might actually not be landing that way for my family.  They feel seen and loved when we get them what they ask for.  If I get someone what I want to get them, rather than what they’ve asked for, it winds up being hurtful or makes them feel invisible or like what they asked for is wrong or bad.  Most ppl don’t want to feel that way on their birthday, and I certainly don’t want to make someone disappointed when I give them a gift. I want the opposite of that. So, that’s why I’ve sent you their lists over the years. Getting them what they asked for makes them really happy, and that’s the whole point, so I’ve been leaning much more into that these past few years.”

We’ll see how she takes it…

(Above is pic of my mom and my daughter)