I'm responding with this in jest but the more I look at your requirements the more it seems to make sense. Water Repellant Canvas, venting for the pits, 8oz cotton is breathable, not sporty but definitely outdoorsey, covers the model's butt, less than $250 USD, has hood. What's not to love?
20 hours ago
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That dude in the river looks like he mans a lighthouse that keeps wary sea travelers safe. I would look like I cosplay as an REI associate.
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