Apple Rankings

Always a delightful fall read. Sad about my homeland Apple Rankings ("McIntosh Apple: A Seal-Skinned Canadian Letdown"); absolutely agree with Red Delicious ("Coffee Grounds in a Leather Glove") and Pink Lady, a personal favorite ("The perfect blend of sweet and tart, this fiery bitch is a headliner at supermarkets worldwide.") Interested in trying to find a Ludacrisp ("Admittedly, it would be difficult to sell a supermarket on a dirty south rapple with a sign that says “Move Pears Get Out Da Way.”") and will look out for the Golden Russet ("A putrid corpse"). Must read before putting out apples for bobbing.